Overindulgence in People-Pleasing at Work: The Unseen Prices of Being a Pushover
In today's fast-paced world, maintaining a positive image in the eyes of others can often come at a steep cost. Chronic fawning—continually attempting to please others—can lead to a loss of self, as one's own needs and boundaries become blurred [1].
A recent case in point is the insurance property adjusting firm that recently hired siblings Jack and Jill. Their relentless efforts to praise their supervisor's drive and work ethic have caused discomfort among the team and are reminiscent of domestic abuse dynamics [2]. This behavior, rooted in a people-pleasing strategy to stay safe, can have serious repercussions in the workplace [3].
To better understand and address fawning behavior, especially in toxic work environments that mirror abusive relationships with superiors, several resources and types of literature can prove invaluable.
- Trauma and Trauma Responses Literature Fawning is recognized as a trauma response characterized by people-pleasing to avoid conflict and maintain safety [1]. Resources from trauma-informed therapists, such as those discussed at mywellnesspgh.com, provide insights and therapeutic strategies to understand why fawning develops and how to overcome it by rebuilding self-worth and boundary-setting.
- Workplace Psychology and People-Pleasing Dynamics Articles focusing on "people pleasing" or being a “doormat” at work outline the emotional costs of chronic fawning, including increased anxiety and PTSD risk [4]. They also recommend practical, empathetic approaches coworkers and friends can take to support the fawner, such as gently validating their experiences and encouraging reflection on boundaries and self-care.
- Understanding Abusive and Coercive Control Patterns Literature on covert emotional abuse, including reactive abuse dynamics, explains how victims in abusive relationships (which can parallel toxic supervisor-subordinate situations) often resort to defensive behaviors as survival mechanisms without becoming abusers themselves [5][6]. This helps frame fawning as a protective reaction rather than weakness or complicity.
- Therapeutic and Self-Help Books and Guides Books and guides on trauma recovery, such as those on Complex PTSD or workplace bullying, provide frameworks for recognizing fawning, practicing assertiveness, and healing from relational abuse. Therapy modalities like EMDR or cognitive-behavioral therapy addressing trauma symptoms and boundary issues are often recommended.
For individuals facing such dynamics in work environments, it would be advisable to consult trauma-aware therapists experienced in abuse-related workplace toxicity, use supportive literature on people-pleasing and trauma, and engage with resources that validate their experiences and provide tools for boundary assertion and self-care.
One such resource is the upcoming book "Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves - and How to Find the Way Back" by Dr. Ingrid Clayton, set to be published in September [7].
Friends, family, and coworkers can also help a fawner by offering care, awareness, and inviting reflection. It's crucial to remember that saying "no" can be virtually impossible for a fawner, and small issues can grow massively when avoided [1].
In cases where upper management is aware of the issue but fails to address it, it may be necessary to seek legal advice, as exemplified by Dennis Beaver, a lawyer practicing in Bakersfield, Calif. [8].
In conclusion, understanding and addressing fawning behavior in toxic work environments is crucial for maintaining a healthy and productive workplace. By seeking out the right resources, individuals can learn to reclaim their self-worth, set boundaries, and assert themselves in situations that may mirror abusive relationships with superiors.
- The insurance property adjusting firm could benefit from integrating defi (defined as career development, skills training, and education and self-development) in their workplace, as it might help employees develop a stronger sense of self and improved boundary-setting, thus reducing fawning behavior.
- Trauma and health-and-wellness literature can assist in understanding the root causes of fawning, allowing individuals to take necessary steps towards mental health improvement and social wellness.
- Fitness-and-exercise programs, tied to both physical and mental health, can be instrumental in bolstering self-worth and resilience, potentially decreasing the need to fawn in the workplace.
- Upcoming books on fitness-and-exercise, mental-health, and health-and-wellness might provide valuable insights for those struggling with fawning, as they often offer practical strategies, coping mechanisms, and self-help techniques.
